Monday, April 25, 2005

alone with everybody

the flesh covers the bone
and they put a mind
in there and
sometimes a soul,
and the women break
vases against the walls
and the men drink too
much
and nobody finds the
one
but keep
looking
crawling in and out
of beds.
flesh covers
the bone and the
flesh searches
for more than
flesh.

there's no chance
at all:
we are all trapped
by a singular
fate.

nobody ever finds
the one.

the city dumps fill
the junkyards fill
the madhouses fill
the hospitals fill
the graveyards fill

nothing else fills


—Charles Bukowski

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

outsider

as we evolve, involve, it grows to be an increasingly self-worth-less feeling. it is all right when we do to others; we only really know when it's done to us. in some sense, it's justice; in another, its fuck! must she have really felt that bad_mouth_taste. you never know the degree to which you affect someone, or effect a change in them, until your out of the picture.

redemption song. i felt like an outsider today. with dexter, ravi, and sonja. to think that i've never felt this feeling before. one would think that strange. yes, maybe once with cori and ronni, and maybe once more with nash, rishi, and nimisha; in the reverse order. but the equation is different here. here, i see myself as the connector. the core_group_member. to my distaste, i'm not.

ah well. you win some, you loose some. i still can't tell the difference between lose and loose.

on a lighter note, looks like goa with veena is truely happening. i'm ecstatic. already made 5 billion plans in my head. i'm sure she will pack more than i ever would.

i've taken a new fondness to music. i think i had given up on him for a while. but ever since wilco, victor wooten, yo la tengo, and the pencil-scratching intro, i've got fixed. thank you nash.

the world this week is full. at work, i've started quality. i have all these targets to meet. now they are called targets and not dealines. not hep enough.

i'm a creature of my emotions. i like it this way.

love.