Saturday, January 31, 2004


today rayo and sonal came to entertain me in my chowki/site office for a couple of hours.
it was good fun. but i lost all the games.
we then went for the tyger tyger exhib at ncpa. i liked this one snap. and there was this adorable kid sitting on the ground drawing. fuck, he was sweet.

another great hightlight is the cop who eats lunch at the chowki - he is just too cool. he's a plain clothes policeman and keeps me informed with the most scare-e 'chori' ka 'stori'-es.
(i'm a little stoned).

he also told me that the chowki/site office was actually a mourge. many years ago. when the british ruled.
and this other random man came in and asked me a hazaar questions to why this area is called kala ghoda and offered to get me a picture of the actual 'kala ghoda' which used to stand in the now parking lot hundreds of years ago and stuffs. sweet old man.

in the night i went and met jayati and natalie (from luxemburg - nice chic) and hamid and karan and nachi after quite some broken dates. nachis hair is lovely. so i made him 4 braids.

Thursday, January 29, 2004

can you type?

who would have ever known that the same chocies that i've made would render me so helpless and defeated.

Tuesday, January 27, 2004


i've never heard someone scream as much as i heard my temp_boss scream today!
nevertheless, kalaghoda is wonderful.

came across him (eecummings) today and thought i'd share.


The poems to come are for you and for me and are not for mostpeople - it's no use trying to pretend that mostpeople and ourselves are alike. Mostpeople have less in common with ourselves than the squarerootof - minusone. You and I are human beings; mostpeople are snobs.

Take the matter of being born. What does being born mean to mostpeople? Catastrophe unmitigated. Socialrevolution. The cultured aristocrat yanked out of his hyperexclusively ultravoluptuous super-palazzo, and dumped into an incredibly vulgar detentioncamp swarming with every conceivable species of undesireable organism. Mostpeople fancy a garanteed birthproof safetysuit of nondestructible selflessness. If mostpeople were to be born twice they'd improbably call it dying - you and i are not snobs. We can never be born enough. We are human beings; for whom birth is a supremely welcome mystery, the mystery of growing: the mystery which happens only and whenever we are faithful to ourselves. you and i wear the dangerous looseness of doom and find it becoming. Life, for eternal us, is now; and now is much too busy being a little more than everything to seem anything, catastrophic included.

Life, for mostpeople, simply isn't. Take the socalled standardofliving. What do mostpeople mean by "living"? They don't mean living. They mean the latest and closest plural approximation to singular prenatal passivity which science, in its finite but unbounded wisdom, has suc-ceeded in selling their wives. If science could fail, a mountain's a mammal. Mostpeople's wives can spot a genuine delusion of embryonic omni-potence immediately and will accept no subsitutes. - luckily for us, a mountain is a mammal....


2 little whos
(he and she)
under are this
wonderful tree

smiling stand
(all realms of where
and when beyond)
now and here

(far from a grown
-up i&you-;ful world of known)
who and who

(2 little ams
and over them this
aflame with dreams
incredible is)


if i love You
(thickness means
worlds inhabited by roamingly
stern bright faeries

if you love
me) distance is mind carefully
luminous with innumerable gnomes
Of complete dream

if we love each (shyly)
other, what clouds do or Silently
Flowers resembles beauty
less than our breathing

Monday, January 26, 2004

valid truthful information

sometimes, i too see the body as a mere object, a means to facilitate movement, a means to prolong a name.
i've taken 14 long leaps in the past 24 hours, and my head has shrunk. even though he is a nice_caring_guy, i fail to feel more than the feelings of a curious child. on the other hand the night was like nothing i've ever known. i'm glad i leaped.

i start working for the kalaghoda association tomorrow.

Friday, January 23, 2004

life keeps brining me back to you

it seems like i'm waiting for some sort of a miracle.

what if one day your just sitting around at home
and there's this fire
and you watch your house burn down
all your belongings
all your possessions
all your memories
reduced to ash
what would that mean to you?

well, it seems like it would mean nothing to me.
should it?

Thursday, January 22, 2004


wow. last night was great. great great great closing of the WSF.
it started off by 5 with some folk performances from pakistan, then shubha mudgal and koshish sang, then some speeches, then music by gilberto gil, brazil, then an african ensemble, and the closing by indian ocean!
i danced my bloody ass off. the last three acts were truly rejuvinating.

rohini also enlightened me to what globalization was about, and in what respect is everyone against it.
from what i understood, the majority of the people at the wsf aren't extremists in favour of closed markets, or any shit like that
but what they are after is non-exploitation of labour and resources of developing countries.
so, i finally saw the cause.

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

missile red


Wage peace with your breath.
Breathe in firemen and rubble, breathe out whole buildings and
flocks of redwing blackbirds.
Breathe in terrorists and breathe out sleeping children and
freshly mown fields.

Breathe in confusion and breathe out maple trees.
Breathe in the fallen and breathe out lifelong friendships intact.
Wage peace with your listening; hearing sirens,
pray loud.

Remember your tools: flower seeds, clothes pins, clean rivers.
Make soup.
Play music, learn the word for thank you in three languages.
Learn to knit and make a hat.

Think of chaos as dancing raspberries,
imagine grief as the outbreath of beauty or the gesture of fish.
swim for the other side.

Wage peace.
Never has the world seemed so fresh and precious.
Have a cup of tea and rejoice.

Act as if armistice has already arrived.

Don't wait another minute.

- Mary Oliver

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

mail to cora

well, in december i decided to finally let go of nashpaul
as i am obscenely obsessive compulsive disorderly about him
i just don't like myself when i'm around him
and i put the guy through hell
so, after an unsucessful 'good breakup'
i decided to orchestrate a 'bad breakup'
it worked out great, 'cause unless there is some sort of hatred
it wouldn't have worked
so, hatred has come about
and the way see it,
we'll meet in goa when we're 50, when you're around, and cook fish in his house!!
ha ha ... (i just hope i haven't completely pushed him to the other side, for him to be a bitter fifty year old jazz junkie)
so, i do miss him and all, but i definitely don't want to keep in touch with him anymore.
there are two sad things. a. i said a lot of rotten stuff i didn't mean at all. b. nash is someone i considered my own, like you, rucha, anchit, chitz and rishi.

as far as anup is concerned, i haven't given him much thought
he's just a one-nighter
i told you i could never have one of those, well i was wrong!

please call me up soon, cause i have no money to call you. i'm jobless now! it's doing wonders for my weight. ha ha. it feels like forever since you've been gone. i know it's just been a couple of months, but it feels like forever.

so, tell me more about marcus. does he tell you to talk slower? ha ha. but you talk slowly anyway. meticulous cora.

i've decided to get back in touch with the world. simple stuff like email people more often. somehow, as i grow older, the more i seem to want to know the people i knew when i was younger. it's from a song. ha ha.

there is soo much in my head right now. it's getting increasing difficult to sort out.

shailee left today. so i spent the day with her. i got a lot of new hindi music. stop with the faces. i miss hindi music. especailly with the whole wedding season. it's infectious.

tom will be a nice day. lots of stuff happening at the closing ceremony of the wsf. like shubha mudgal, some braizilians doing some stuff, some africans doing some stuff, and indian ocean is closing. will probably go and set camp real early as i missed the opening.

so, now i'll go fill my stomach with some foods stuffs.
visit change on blackmilk, some of the wsf snaps.


Monday, January 19, 2004


i bumped into nash today at the WSF and it was awful
atleast now i know that we aren't being polite if we ever bump into each other
fucking weird

but anup is a great distraction, albeit a short term distraction
he's leaving bombay for good on the 31st's one of those

Sunday, January 18, 2004

art in resistance, resistance in art

yesterday at the wsf (world social forum) was a very pretty day.
saw some nice street plays and the art exhib almost made me cry
we also saw a group of warli ppl doing the tarpa and i got damn excited
that was the dance the tribals taught us at rural camp
nostalgia all the way
anup also came by for a while, and he and rucha took my bum a bit (about my hindi)
then we also met monica, she was handling a stall selling clothes that the mothers of our raigad kids stitched
she said the kids are doing real good
so we bought a really pretty skirt
all in all the day was very satisfying!

Friday, January 16, 2004

the devil is in the details

i went for an interview today
and broke a glass
no really
while my interview was on
my hand knocked this glass over
and it shattered into a gazillion pieces
i'm sure i'm not getting the job

ha ha ha ha ha
damn that thirst

Thursday, January 15, 2004

stand by me

well either i've completely lost it, or ...
anyway, so alex moved into his hotel room in the renaissance
and i went and met up with him there
really pretty room, fantastic view of the lake
either way, we bummed about a bit then proceeded to the nesco grounds at goregaon
got virtually no work done there and then proceeded to hiranandani
anup met us there ... this was around 7:15
and we hung in this place called aura where we had three phillipinos seranading us and a lot to drink
so as the evening progressed we danced a bit and chatted a lot and jaya here ends up making out with anup
for i virtually don't know what reason, except that it was new
either way, i don't know what to think, so i just won't
even though i have this disgusting need to scrutinize everything
i'll just listen to my body_shot_naked_sleeper buddy

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

alexander from macedonia

i had the most rocker day
so after my successful day at college and time spent with nisha
i got picked up by alex from macedonia!
not really, it was fun saying that
he was one of those guys dancing at jazz the other night (the hen party one)
the world social forum is happening in bombay this yr, so there are all the firangies who've come down
so i was wallking by jehhangir and bumped into him
so then we to mondes for a coffee
then we went to strand for a couple of beers
then we went to koyla for a sheesha
then his friend who he was staying with came and met us at koyla (indian guy, from bangalore working in bombay - anup, very pleasurable meeting him)
then we went to leos for more beer
then somewhere in the middle my dad called and said where the fuck are u, u left home at 10 in the morning saying yr going to college
then i came home..
cool na! i'm too amused by the evening
so anyway, we're going to film city tom. and i hope anup comes too.

Monday, January 12, 2004


hey hey hey
i had one of the most wonderful nights last night
these hen parties rock!


Saturday, January 10, 2004

elastic reality

i've grown to really like udayan. really really like him. he couldn't be more perfect for ru.
we went to strand after the longest time and guess what? they now have music there.
these biglittle speakers and all, playing walk of life and other such musics.
fuck, i was too excited about it.

i also saw the last samurai. i really liked the movie. sort of makes me doubt my peace_loving_nature.
there was something glorious about their way of war.
i also throughly enjoyed kill_bill, so maybe i just have developed the stomach for gore.
i want to read more about different cultures. it's interesting stuff.

on the personal front. i realised that almost all the assumptions i make are wrong. which is really fuck all, because in someway it has just shattered my way of life. i'm the people_getter. well, not anymore.

also, those damn hallucinations have stopped. in bangalore i had a bad case of it, but it was probably all the alcohol. i still hear music though. that can never be bad.

o ya, the wedding is over. it was a nice wedding. even ru came for it, and my dad insisted on pretending she was niki. ha ha. poor ru.

Friday, January 09, 2004

Callus Bastards

It is strange, isn’t it?
That a man should have a consuming passion
To do something for which he lacks the capacity !
T. S. Eliot

Thursday, January 01, 2004

bang bang bang bang, bangalore meri hai!

yay! it's a new year, new beginning, new dreams, new fucks, new new new.
shiny happy people holding hands.
everyone i've met in bangalore is a rocker!

wow, i've had more alcohol pumped into my system in this past week than the last six fucking months in bombay.
i like these quasi inebriated states.

i don't want to move to bangalore. that's certain.
i still really want to move out of home. that's certain.
maybe malad would be a good try.
i decided that there are some poeple who are just made for me
some are in my heart and some are in my soul.
one of those you can run but you can't hide thingis.

bangalore is nice though, not as quiet as i expected it to be.
i figure if i want a big enough change i should be looking at pondicherry or himachal pradesh or kerala, but not some imitation city.

so, how am i?
i really don't know. i just about reached back.
and for some reason started crying.
and have been crying since.
no reason.

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