Monday, November 29, 2004

I wish I was the verb 'to trust' and never let you down

we never did share such a relationship
a common_use word, groupism™
i too decided this is not how i like it

i would tell him this, but it's not important

Thursday, November 18, 2004

for veena, my blanket_love

Oh girl, no Ma
Nothing much to speak of but a rough diamond
Sleep now, your angels will come, dear
Poor Matilda
Handcuffed to the wheel
And steering wildly
Through love's fields, so blindly

Forever only takes its toll on some
But, tonight you're sleeping alone without him
Tonight you're sleeping alone without him
And everything went up in smoke like wildflowers
Wildflowers, dear

Oh girl, lonely
Shuffles through the parade
Of a sleepless circus promenade
Hold on, dear

Oh girl, no Ma
Sister steals her a coat
For the windless breezes
Sleep now and Jesus will come, dear

Forever only takes it's toll on some
But, tonight you're sleeping alone without him
Tonight you're sleeping alone without him
And everything went up in smoke like wild flowers
Wildflowers, dear

-Ryan Adams

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

i'm waiting for superman

My deartest Jaya,

Days and hence months have passed since the last time me I saw you. But that is not important, rangoli, on the other hand, is. This festive season will never pass without us walking down those toiled on coloful, asymmetrical designs. Stealing curd from your lunch plate..indelible. And the fact that forever we will share more than those breezy walks in BPT. Your my unsubstitutable, 'soully' cool kid I think I'll ever know.

As for me I really want to meet superman, so much so that my fligths of fancy have crossed all bounds. I live in my head, where all the voices talk at once and there are many friends. He walks besides me, he chose where to put the coffee table just yesterday and yes we both brush our teeth together. I had planned to introduce the two of you in Dec. but he can't make it.

Azermi & superman

Sunday, November 14, 2004

the bastards

it was a lovely to hell diwali...
first time i put rangoli after niki and azu left...
with veena. with veena. i love veena.
so overwhelmed i could cry
also bought diwali lights
and went colabahome for puja

played a whole lot of grand theft auto with chiru
i love chiru.

what else was up the world this week?

i finally went to mohammed ali road at 2:00 am during ramzan...
the air was uncharacteristically warm
mad crowd
it could have been 6
clap clap

i decided that nash and i have grown like mad
it's soo nice. a little weird.
the weird you get when the love of your life isn't the love of your life anymore.
and there's a new love of your life. all over again.
one might think it trivialises the whole thing. it doesn't.
two completely different sets of emotions. two different drivers.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

scream to a sigh

swear to god i saw superman
i was travelling to bandra
not too late
not too drunk
in a rickshaw
not too fast
two men crossing the road in slow motion
one made it
one held his hand out
the windshield shattered
the glass sprayed all over the street
the impact was brilliant
my autorickshaw fear became
no one was hurt

Tuesday, November 09, 2004


Dear Johny and Varsha, I came back home from England on the 30th of September. Ever since I came back, I have been suffering from one ailment after another, characteristic of old age. You know I am 80 years old. The present sickness is cervical spondilosis and vertigo. I always wear a collar around my neck. I cannot lie down at ease for when once I am on the bed, the whole head together with the bed appears rotating. I have to hold firmly on something, so that I should not fall down. I am fed up of this place and wish to go back to England to live with my son Raju, when once I feel better and am able to travel.

I remember sending an e-mail to you from England regretting my inability to be present in Bangalore for the wedding and congratulating Nikita and her bridegroom. Where are they now? Are they in Bangalore or in Mumbai? I extend my good wishes for a happy Diwali to you, Johny, Varsha, Nikita, Manas, Jayasree and Chirag. What is Jayasree doing now? Has she finished her education?

In England Raju is well with his family and Rani and Jonathan at Harvard are also doing well. Raju's son Mon is in his final year for the first degree in Cambridge. He was in MIT, Boston last year for an exchange programme and returned to Cambridge in September. That is all for the time being.Very sincerely George.

the filling

there are certain plurals that just never reach their full potential; there are some dreams that can never be realised. in love, anything can happen. not quite a glorious line. i'm going to try and understand that life doesn't work like that...and love doesn't work like that.

the sweetest funniest thing happened at work the other day. vel came into work with this slight scratch on her face. so it's vel..what happened? quite coyly she says, bren has a one day stubble. ha ha ha. fuck. that's the sweetest thing ever.

sometimes i feel like i'm weaving this giant web of deceit around veena...smothering her into my world...meeting my friends...watching my movies...playing my games. i'd like to believe that i am indeed liberating her. in reality, i should become an ant.

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