step out of the circle

ouch. that was to vanilla sky.
the movie hit a nerve or two.

i completely forgot about what i wanted to say.

eye in the sky

troubling question:
could the president/prime minister of a country like india be an atheist?

(note_to_self - need to get more creative with blackmilk. especially the loaders)

'tis tsk tsch

happy holidays and all.
it's been a very fruitful 2 days.
all that wedding shopping has been taken care off.
must buy matching bag. must buy matching shoes.

i'm in love with dr. suess.
everytime i step into oxford's i read another one of his books
yesterday was "say can you say"
ha ha

i have all of one and a half days left at work
pray, do tell - how will they pass?

daddy's little girl

i went with daddy to pick up dress material (it's an opposite life)
and one the way he bought a match box. he flung it to me and said "this is how you live your life, no?"
the matchbox had one of those cliches - aim for the moon, if you miss, you'll reach the stars.
sweet little fucker he is

gunless massacre

there's a wedding coming up in my family.
and with these weddings comes all this shopping
and i really hate shopping
it depresses the fuck out of me

so i sat and cried
ya, i too was suprised
i cried because there is no one to take care of me

and then my mother is mad
she aksed me most seriously, if i want to get married to this one guy.
puke puke puke.
does she not know me at all?

when you know what you need, don't waste more time. i'm a real fuck.

as a sidenote- - i saw kill_bill. it beats crouching tiger hands down.

bar_hopper

do you feel the rhythm coarsing through your veins setting your blood on fire.

i thought i'd just stop by and give him his green christmas.
i didn't have the will to leave.

cheers to things that consume us.
suddenly, i feel so out of place.

quit smoking

i'm really frustrated with this decision of not talking to nash anymore. i know i could call or msg or email. i just don't believe it would be fair. fuck.

the opposite of love is death

chandigarh. 13 dec. 2003.
i'm really enjoying the weather here. colder crsiper cleaner. puts me to sleep real soon. i'm glad i came.

suddenly, i'm weary of my life in bombay. it's actually not that sudden but i feel it even more now. i think a lot of it has to do with space. fuck, i really want that job in bangalore. rucha and nash could come and visit me. i'd like that.

chandigarh is a flat quiet flowery city. the well-planned part is true. dol's house is huge. like cora's. and it's real comfortable. warm kinda comfortable. she and aunty seem to be much better. there is no real way to deal with death 'well'. i spent some time in her dad's cabin. he's done it up real nicely. like a captain's cabin. the windows were the same windows used in submarine/ships...i don't know what they are called.

we haven't ventured out of the house much. just as far as the market place to run errands and pick up food stuff. dol's life here is soo very different from her life in bombay. she has tons of relatives. nice relatives. everyone here speaks in punjabi. being sindhi i'm not that lost but i have my sheeply moments.

it is very strange this whole punjabi(sikh)-sindhi issue. we both read the guru granth sahib, most of the customs (marriage, death, etc) are the same, and the language is similar (albeit the script is different). the pothole lies herein: sindhis are hindus (hinduism) whereas sikhs are a whole new religion (sikkhism). so in india we mostly have - buddhism, hinduism, islam, christianity and sikhissm). slightly stange no?

so about the train journey. it was long and painful. 28 whole fucking hours. ha ha. no i haven't ever travelled for 28 whole hours before. the only thing worse than travelling on a 28-hr journey alone is getting the damn middle berth. ha ha. it was a real kick in my ass. to the right and opposite of me was mummy, daddy, brother, sister - one happy little punjabi family who mostly bitched about the honeymooners in the adjoining berths. to the left and opposite of me was a neurosurgeon and a someone. the someone opposite me slept for atleast 26 out of the 28 hrs. awesome stuff no?

i had a semi-interesting conversation with the neurosurgeon until he ruined it all by finding the need to prove to me that doctors aren't in it for the money. i know that damnit, jaya silently screamed.

then i thought i came up with this beautiful plan on how to put the end to poverty and overpopulation in the urban sectors. all the farmers in india should unite and raise their prices such that their profit is enough to sustain them throught the year. the whole plan stemed from the fact that, in the train, you get really shitty food. really expensive really shitty food. but i had to buy it cause i had to eat. similarly, obliterating the shitty, if all the farmers united and raised prices, we lower and upper middle class types wouldn't have a choice but to buy the slightly more expensive vegetables. i would think not watching TV or sacrificing a bottle of wine a week would be a just price to pay for a hundred lives (i know- - im a pompous hypocritical brat -- i'm not proud). either way, my whole plan came crashing down when it came to my notice that the poor farmers -- the ones who keep dying don't own land. the land owners own land. and they are a bunch of hatta khatta bandas. now, for the land-owers to show compassion and unite with the farmers and mutually gain is a distant dream.

part 2 when i reach bombay. goodnight.


bombay. 16th dec. 2003.
the last night/day in chandigarh was quite nice. kadambari came down from dharamshala (or somewhere in the mountains of himachal) to meet dol for a night/day. she's there teaching some tibetian kids english. quite nice. and she went on and on and on about this tiger. this wild tiger who was 10 m away from here and how she almost died and all. the next morning i left for delhi (14th). said my goodbyes.

it was real good to akshay again. ate some good food. then he had work. so i spent the whole morning and afternoon roaming the streets of delhi. quite alone. i was really scared cause of all the horror stories i've heard. had some random conversations with the locals. most of them really couldn't make out i was indian. part bummer part cool. the train was at 4.

the train back was much nicer and took only 18 hrs. so it was mostly an overnight journey. and guess what guess what? i got the bestet seat. i guess things do always even out. there was a football team (from goa) travelling to bombay for another match. so lots of action in my compartment. alrite. now, i shall get to work.

i'm going to have to go back to the pool

i promise not to be tempted
the blue black blue jay

this abstinence is a bitch

that we don't even care, as restless as we are

fascinating exhibition at ngma yesterday
spectacular spectacular
the train, you must see the train
and the fat naked woman prancing around the place
like a bird she says

understood

there's nothing more rejuvinating than getting a call from cora and suddenly knowing what you what.
there's nothing more rejuvinating that calling sanjay, only to discover that he's in bangalore, and having things fall into place.

always with me, always with you

i don't know how it happened, only that it happened.

back

i don't understand death
i'll never understand death
no matter how hard i try

it's rude.