beaches

every time i think about the past few days, a deep sadness fills my heart and tears fill my eyes. the truth is i don't know how to be anything but close friends with you. or at least the change is going to near-kill me. how could i possibly demote the importance of you in my life. it sounds preposterous.

i don't care if i like you, because i love you
and love is greater than like. from whichever angle you look at it.

i want you there, close (not casual) to me
when i get married and/or zero in on my life partner
when i have my first child
when i start my first company
when my parents get old
when i buy my farmhouse
when i travel to exotic places and am bursting with stories
when my life falls apart
and after i've got it back together
when i become an addict
when i want to sing aloud
and laugh till i drop
when i become a politician
and finally when i die

and i want to be close to you
close, not casual
involved, not informed

(i have been married to three things in my life (or the 27 years of it so far)-- veena, work (crimson), and you. if i can break one of them, i can surely understand why you can break the other - we gotta do what we gotta do. irrespective of how cruel it may seem at the time, or preposterous)