love-spat

in my imagination
love used to be very simple
rather textbook
everything i imagined about love was from poetry, the movies, the books
i never cared to listen to first hand experiences
and even if i did bother listening, i would only pick up and remember the parts that were in sync with my imagination

there is nothing practical about love
there should never be anything practical about love
not the kind of love i've imagined

growing up and some relationships later have thoroughly confused me
thoroughly

yes i've felt crazy passionate
and yes i care more than anything
and yes i've written poems
inspired
been inspired
let go
closed up
but i've always wanted more

always

maybe it's the kind of person i am. the always wanting more type.
it's like the whole god experience all over again
god, and wishes, and elves

(you know, i believed in everything till age 8 -- and then one by one -- every damn thing was shattered -- no faraway tree in the world of practicality)

so now i sit here, wondering
o fuck, jaya, is it god all over again?
was cora right before she met the rrrs of her life?
is this too a manifestation of society
for some sort of ego-stroking
for a feeling of security

i need to think more about this
i need to experience more about this
certainly not read more about this

(note to readers: i'm not talking about friend love, parent love, teacher love, boss love, etc. the topic of this post is only crazy sex crazy limits love.)