the opposite of love is death

chandigarh. 13 dec. 2003.
i'm really enjoying the weather here. colder crsiper cleaner. puts me to sleep real soon. i'm glad i came.

suddenly, i'm weary of my life in bombay. it's actually not that sudden but i feel it even more now. i think a lot of it has to do with space. fuck, i really want that job in bangalore. rucha and nash could come and visit me. i'd like that.

chandigarh is a flat quiet flowery city. the well-planned part is true. dol's house is huge. like cora's. and it's real comfortable. warm kinda comfortable. she and aunty seem to be much better. there is no real way to deal with death 'well'. i spent some time in her dad's cabin. he's done it up real nicely. like a captain's cabin. the windows were the same windows used in submarine/ships...i don't know what they are called.

we haven't ventured out of the house much. just as far as the market place to run errands and pick up food stuff. dol's life here is soo very different from her life in bombay. she has tons of relatives. nice relatives. everyone here speaks in punjabi. being sindhi i'm not that lost but i have my sheeply moments.

it is very strange this whole punjabi(sikh)-sindhi issue. we both read the guru granth sahib, most of the customs (marriage, death, etc) are the same, and the language is similar (albeit the script is different). the pothole lies herein: sindhis are hindus (hinduism) whereas sikhs are a whole new religion (sikkhism). so in india we mostly have - buddhism, hinduism, islam, christianity and sikhissm). slightly stange no?

so about the train journey. it was long and painful. 28 whole fucking hours. ha ha. no i haven't ever travelled for 28 whole hours before. the only thing worse than travelling on a 28-hr journey alone is getting the damn middle berth. ha ha. it was a real kick in my ass. to the right and opposite of me was mummy, daddy, brother, sister - one happy little punjabi family who mostly bitched about the honeymooners in the adjoining berths. to the left and opposite of me was a neurosurgeon and a someone. the someone opposite me slept for atleast 26 out of the 28 hrs. awesome stuff no?

i had a semi-interesting conversation with the neurosurgeon until he ruined it all by finding the need to prove to me that doctors aren't in it for the money. i know that damnit, jaya silently screamed.

then i thought i came up with this beautiful plan on how to put the end to poverty and overpopulation in the urban sectors. all the farmers in india should unite and raise their prices such that their profit is enough to sustain them throught the year. the whole plan stemed from the fact that, in the train, you get really shitty food. really expensive really shitty food. but i had to buy it cause i had to eat. similarly, obliterating the shitty, if all the farmers united and raised prices, we lower and upper middle class types wouldn't have a choice but to buy the slightly more expensive vegetables. i would think not watching TV or sacrificing a bottle of wine a week would be a just price to pay for a hundred lives (i know- - im a pompous hypocritical brat -- i'm not proud). either way, my whole plan came crashing down when it came to my notice that the poor farmers -- the ones who keep dying don't own land. the land owners own land. and they are a bunch of hatta khatta bandas. now, for the land-owers to show compassion and unite with the farmers and mutually gain is a distant dream.

part 2 when i reach bombay. goodnight.


bombay. 16th dec. 2003.
the last night/day in chandigarh was quite nice. kadambari came down from dharamshala (or somewhere in the mountains of himachal) to meet dol for a night/day. she's there teaching some tibetian kids english. quite nice. and she went on and on and on about this tiger. this wild tiger who was 10 m away from here and how she almost died and all. the next morning i left for delhi (14th). said my goodbyes.

it was real good to akshay again. ate some good food. then he had work. so i spent the whole morning and afternoon roaming the streets of delhi. quite alone. i was really scared cause of all the horror stories i've heard. had some random conversations with the locals. most of them really couldn't make out i was indian. part bummer part cool. the train was at 4.

the train back was much nicer and took only 18 hrs. so it was mostly an overnight journey. and guess what guess what? i got the bestet seat. i guess things do always even out. there was a football team (from goa) travelling to bombay for another match. so lots of action in my compartment. alrite. now, i shall get to work.